


forgiveness.

by thereseswan



Category: Carol (2015), The Price of Salt - Patricia Highsmith
Genre: F/F, Lots of it, and lots of fluff, teeny tiny bit of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-06-04 04:50:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6642016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thereseswan/pseuds/thereseswan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Jack had never interrupted Carol and Therese’s date at the Ritz?</p>
            </blockquote>





	forgiveness.

 

> _“In every change, in every falling leaf there is some pain, some beauty. And that's the way new leaves grow.”― Amit Ray_

**“I love you.”**

Therese's breaths quickened, making her heart beat violently against her chest. It felt as if her heart was trying to escape the confined space inside her; she knew if there wasn't a barrier of bones and flesh it would jump right out and into Carol's hands, for Carol was and would always be its rightful owner.

Suddenly all she could hear was the beating of her heart. It echoed inside her head and blocked out all the noise around her, apart from another faint beat. Her eyes were glued to Carol's rising chest; she knew it was hers. Which one was she supposed to listen to? To her own heart, that had gone through so much ache yet had also grown and re learned to beat for things other than Carol? To Carol's heart, that had just stripped it's walls down and left her completely vulnerable in front of Therese? Could she ever listen to both? Her mind went numb. Her clothes suddenly felt too small, her hair felt pulled too tight.

"I-I can't breathe." she whispered and stood up; barely able to hold her weight she started walking towards the exit of the Ritz.

Carol froze as Therese started walking away. She watched her disappear into the crowds and wondered how she could have ever let her slip away. She wasn't about to let that happen again.

"Therese?" Carol stepped into the cool April air. The street was empty but a faint sob gave away Therese's presence. "Therese, I'm sorry I shouldn't have-"

Carol was met with piercing green eyes. They didn't look like the serene green eyes she'd gotten to know all those months ago. They looked tired, and hurt and angry. And she was the reason.

"Darling? Would you come with me?” Carol said.

Therese looked up and the moonlight shone through her green eyes. A few months ago she would have instantly said yes, yes to anything Carol asked. But she knew better now, for better or worse. “Carol, I can’t- “  
  
“I just- I need to talk to you Therese, please.” Carol searched her eyes intensely.  

“Alright.”

Carol hailed them a cab and Therese sat silently as Carol gave the driver her address. Her hand ached to reach out and cover Carol’s. It was so hard to say no to her, to not reach out and touch her. Ultimately, they were back to square one; containing their feelings, thinking yet not talking.

They rode the elevator in silence. She was so close to Carol, an invisible hand pushed them closer together as the numbers on the elevator raised steadily.

“It’s not finished yet but I thought you’d- “Carol closed the door behind her and when she turned around Therese wrapped her arms around her neck locking them tight, as if to tell her to never let go and Carol let herself melt into her touch.

Therese let her head sink into Carol’s chest. She could hear Carol’s heart beating faster as the woman wrapped her arms around her waist, brushing her hand up and down Therese’s spine in soothing motions.

“I missed you so much, Carol.” Therese breathed out. Then she unwrapped her arms and distanced herself. “But you didn’t say goodbye. You never even said goodbye.” Tears rolled off her cheeks. “I knew you had to try, for Rindy. I understood. But it didn’t make it any less painful.”

Carol walked up to the younger woman and cupped her cheek, just the way she'd done all those months ago in her car when Therese spoke of selfishness and blame. Carol wanted Therese but she’d also wanted Rindy and because of her greediness she lost both. She was the only one to blame. So she let Therese pour out her feelings and she took each blow knowing she deserved it, but looking into Therese's eyes, into those green eyes now filled with uncertainty was what made her stomach clench.

"I couldn't." she spoke softly, brushing Therese's cheek with her thumb. "I couldn't say goodbye because that meant it would be over." she stared into Therese's eyes and her own vision suddenly blurred. "I know it wasn't fair, to you, I should have let you go. Should have made it easier for you to forget me." she smiled a sad smile.

"I could never." Therese said. "I tried. Oh I really did, Carol. But then I'd pass by someone who looked exactly like you from behind only to reveal a complete stranger when they turned around. Every time someone touched my shoulder I'd wish it were your hand, every night I lay in bed hoping I'd meet you in my dreams but all I met were nightmares."

"I'm sorry Therese. I'm so sorry, darling.” She whispered. “I'm not waiting for an _It's okay_ , because I know it's not. And I'm not expecting anything from you. I just-when I saw you walking down 5th avenue with your grown up clothes and your grown up hair I-"

"You saw me?" Therese interrupted. Carol sat down on the couch and patted for Therese to sit next to her but the girl sat in the armchair instead.

"Yes." she said trying to look like it hadn't hurt. "I was on my way to my lawyer, I was determined to fight for Rindy, even if that meant fighting against myself. But then I saw you. I saw you and I realized that I was about to continue the miserable life I had before, with just some scarce weekends with Rindy and...and without you." Carol's tears were now streaming down her cheeks, like a river that had come to life after the collapse of a dam.

Therese had never seen Carol cry before. She was always composed, always putting on a brave face no matter how frightened she was on the inside. However much it pained her to see her like that, it also made her realize that Carol wasn't perfect; but she didn't mind.

"Shh, it's alright. Carol, it's alright." Therese bowed down on her knees in front of Carol and took her hands into her own. Those warm hands that had held her so tight in Waterloo, that had driven them all over the country, that had traced Therese's body in ways she could never have imagined.

Carol lifted her head up slowly keeping her eyes focused on their intertwined fingers. "Look at me crying like a baby." she huffed but Therese didn't move. She just reached a hand up and wiped Carol's tears away with her thumb. Carol's eyes scanned over Therese's face and she leaned in closer hoping their lips would touch, but Therese pulled away before she could even try. She watched Therese look around the room.

"I haven't had the time to paint or anything. Well I haven't had the energy, really." she said and stood up.  "Would you like some coffee?"

"Carol, I should go."

Carol's heart stopped beating as her breath caught in her chest. Of course she was going to go, she had her own life now she didn’t have time for Carol. She had friends that Carol hadn't met, clothes she hadn't touched and hair she hadn’t brushed her fingers through.

"Oh." she whispered trying but failing to stop her trembling voice.

"Phil is having a party to welcome the actress that will be playing the leading role in his new production and I promised I'd go." Therese said reluctantly. She didn't want to go, all she wanted to do was melt into Carol's arms and sleep next to her, but she couldn't get out of this. Phil would be so angry. "You can come, if you'd like."

"Oh, no, darling. You go, have fun." Carol muttered as she walked behind Therese who was heading for the door.

"Goodnight, Carol." she whispered and hesitated a moment but still turned and walked towards the elevator and into the cold air. She grabbed the first taxi she could find and hurriedly made her way to Phil’s apartment, she was already an hour late.

“Well look who finally showed up!” Phil yelled from his balcony and Therese couldn’t help but blush.

She made small talk with Dannie and Phil’s friends and she met the new actress that would be in Phil’s production, Genevieve. She was a gorgeous red head, and had instantly started flirting with her. Therese felt flattered but at the same time all of it felt wrong. What was she even doing here? What was she trying to prove? That she could survive without Carol? She could; she’d learned to. But now she didn’t have to anymore. With those three words she’d spoken earlier, Carol had offered her a home, a warm embrace to fall into after a long day at the office. Carol had changed, but so had she; they’d have to relearn each other but what was better than getting to fall in love with the same person twice?  

“Where are you going, Terry?” Dannie asked before Therese slipped out the door.

“I’m going home.”

* * *

 

It was almost midnight and she wondered if Carol would still be awake or if she’d already taken her clothes off and curled up in bed. She walked up and down a couple of blocks trying to clear her mind before pushing the buzzer with her finger, letting it linger a while.

“Who is this?” Carol’s voice came through.

“It’s me.”

“Therese.”

“I-I forgot to tell you something.” She whispered and Carol instantly pressed a button that unlocked the entrance door.

Therese stepped out of the elevator and walked towards Carol who was leaning against the door frame waiting for her. She was wearing that same robe she’d worn on their trip and she felt a rush flow through her body at the sight. Her feet barely held her weight as she started getting closer and closer, finally stopping in front of Carol.

Carol watched her surprised, she stared into the girl’s green eyes that seemed more certain now, than they had at the Ritz. Her breaths quickened and she could feel her heart beating violently against her chest.

“I love you too.” Therese whispered and pushed Carol inside, closing the door behind them.

Without even thinking she grabbed Carol’s cheeks, the warm blush burning the palms of her hands. Carol’s lower lip quivered and Therese realized how hard all this had been on Carol, how much pain she’d also gone through.

“Therese.” Carol’s breath lit her up like a fire.  A rush of heat flowed through her chest and slowly spread throughout her entire body, reaching every last limb. She could feel Carol’s eyes watching her intensely, waiting for her to decide how the evening would go.

Therese leaned forward slowly, her hand brushing the hair out of Carol’s face and tucking a blond strand behind her ear adoringly. “I never stopped loving you.” She whispered and let her lips fall onto Carol’s. She kissed her slowly and certain. Carol let out a soft whimper.

The moment their lips touched, everything changed. They finally stopped running. Running from Harge, from the detective, from society. They’d both grown in different ways and though they had changed, though the circumstances had changed, their bodies and their souls had stayed the same. As if they knew they would inevitably meet again.

Their bodies weren’t strangers and neither were their souls.

Carol was the one to break the kiss but she didn't pull away, instead she leaned her forehead against Therese's and stared into sleepy green eyes.

"Are you awfully tired, darling?" she whispered.

"It's been a long day." Therese yawned and wrapped her hands around Carols. "Will you show me your room?"

"Our room, Therese."

They entered the bedroom and Therese had to take a moment to take in the space that screamed Carol, from the wooden closet to the queen sized bed with soft white covers. The walls were still bare but perhaps she could suggest something. Not now though, all she wanted now was to crawl in bed and lock her limbs around Carol's and fall into blissful sleep.

"Here, you can wear these for tonight." Carol stretched out her arms and handed Therese a silk pajama set of hers. "The bathroom is right there."

But Therese didn't move. She took off her clothes and put on the pajamas, letting Carol's smell surround her. Carol watched the girl and for a brief moment the desire to rip the pajamas off of her overpowered the need to just wrap her in her arms and never let her go.

Carol pulled down the covers and slowly descended onto the mattress. "What are you standing there for? Get in bed." she patted the mattress softly.

Therese climbed into the bed and lay on her side facing Carol, watching her every movement, every flutter of her eyes, every little curve of her lips. "Carol?" she whispered. "Please don't ever leave again, I couldn't handle it." she said as tears started forming in her eyes.

"Never. Never, my darling. I couldn't handle it either." Carol kissed the tears away, one by one. "Come here." she stretched out her arms and Therese instantly shifted so that her back was now pressed against Carol's stomach.

Carol wrapped her arms around Therese's waist and pulled her closer to her, erasing every distance between them. Therese wrapped her arms around Carol's and then with a trembling voice she whispered. "Did they hurt you?"

She felt Carol's grip loosen and she instantly regretted asking. But Carol brushed Therese's short hair back, trying to find bare skin and then pressed a warm kiss onto her neck. "They tried, my sweet. They thought that by telling me that what we had- what we have- was an abomination, I'd go back to the person I was before us. I played along, did my homework assignments, attended those god awful parties, and put up with Harge's parents. But nothing, nothing hurt more than hearing your voice and not being able to say something back. Nothing hurt more than the thought of not seeing you, touching you, kissing you. Nothing hurt more than knowing I hurt you.” She struggled to say the next words. “Darling will you ever forgive me?"

Therese let out a deep breath she hadn’t even realized she was holding. She turned around and shoved her face into Carol's neck. "I forgive you."

Carol’s hand then moved from Therese’s back, slowly tracing along her spine while she kissed her lips tenderly, until it landed on her thigh making Therese let out a soft moan. And just like that, as if no moment had passed from that fateful night in Waterloo, they picked up where they’d left off.

Carol had asked for forgiveness and Therese had given it, but the truth was Therese had already forgiven her that same morning she woke up in an empty bed. She had forgiven everything Carol had done and everything she'd ever do long before this moment. And it wasn't a choice she'd made after hours of contemplation. It was love.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently all i can do during study breaks is write fic. (What's new?) Okay i already had an outline for this so i guess it was inevitable. I wanted to jump into my screen and strangle Jack when he appeared so this is what i think would have happened if i had managed to actually kill him. Hope you enjoy!


End file.
